bowl_of_glow: (lilac)
[personal profile] bowl_of_glow
A/N: written in a rush. My bro wanted the pc for himself.
Genre: canon (...or a/u?) oneshot
Warnings: None, besides the usual mistakes.
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack were not created by me, but by Annie E. Proulx. No infringements or disrespects intended.




Don Wroe’s Cabin

Everything in the room is quiet.
Silent, except for the crackling sounds coming from the fireplace, which seem to randomly accompany Ennis’s breathing.
Thinking about it, Jack doesn’t know why they lighted the fire in the first place.
No real need to do it. Cabin’s warm enough.
Must be out of habit, Jack thinks. All those times they did it up on the mountains.
Sure they also had ways to warm each other up than didn’t require any fire.
But still.

Jack smiles.

The firelight flickering upon Ennis’s skin looks so familiar.
It’s the way it shines on Ennis curls, making them look even fairer. The way it exposes every freckle.
He has seen it so many times, and yet he would never get tired of staring at Ennis’s face, looking so peaceful in the golden-orange glow.

Unbelievable how weird it feels, to sleep beside Ennis like that.
In a bed. Not a bedrool, a real bed. A bed with white sheets and a thick mattress and- and a headbord. A headboard, for Christ’s sake.
All those years spent sharing shame and secrets together, and it still feels so weird to share the same bed.
Feels so incredibly good, too.
All those times Jack had to sleep on the hard cold ground didn’t do any good to his back; as if it wasn’t fucked up enough already.
Makes him feel grateful for that soft mattress.
Makes him wonder how many other good things he and Ennis are missing out.
Better not think about that.

And well, the cabin. It’s so much different from camping.
They can’t smell the mountains in there. They can see them from the window, but they can’t really smell the fresh air. The wet grass. The smell of the pines.
Not even hear the river.
Can’t look up at the stars while making love.

But Jack likes it anyway.
The thing is, there he can close his eyes and pretend- just for a while.
Pretend it’s just him and Ennis. Living together.
Their home... wouldn’t that be wonderful.
He closes his eyes, inhaling Ennis’s scent.
Waking up every morning beside that man. Imagine that.
Feeling his warm body curling against his while they’re sleeping. Waking him up in the middle of the night just to fuck. Whenever they feel like doing it. Imagine that.
Waiting for Ennis to open his eyes in the morning, Jack’s smile the first thing he would see.
Not every morning, sure. But quite often.
God, imagine that. How sweet that would be. Such a sweet life.

He can’t pretend so well inside of a tent.
It always feels so temporary, it always feels destined to end too soon.
A part of them always feels apprehensive, their love-making becomes more and more frantic as they feel the end of their days together getting closer.
Up on the mountains, it feels like an escape from the real world. Like a secret never to be told.
Jack doesn’t like the idea. He would like Ennis to be a part of his every-day life.

Oh, he’s not a fool. Not him. He knows it would be hard at first, but they could make it.
He thought a lot about that. He got some information.
He could divorce from Lureen anytime. Anytime.
And he would be free.
They both would.
Now, if only Ennis could understand it.

And if- if they lived together.
If they lived together, Jack would like to have a dog.
He likes dogs. He had a dog once. Loyal animals.
He notices the place has a faint dog smell. He wonders if the good ol’ Don had a dog, too.
Maybe.

If they lived together.
They could spend all the night talking. Maybe a stupid thing to wish, but...
They spent many nights awake in the tent, but never a whole night just talking.
Talking and sleeping sometimes feels like a waste of time when they can see each other just a couple of times every year. Some years, even less.

With his eyes still closed, Jack feels Ennis stir in his sleep.
He snores while he rolls on his right side, facing Jack.

If they lived together... he wonders who would cook?
One thing’s for sure.
No more beans.
No more beans every fucking day.

Ennis slowly wakes up. His eyes light up when he sees Jack, and he can’t suppress one of his so rare smiles, still half asleep.
And Jack opens his eyes.

If they lived together.
That little miracle, every morning.
Just imagine that.

Oh, cabin’s so much better than camping.

Date: 2009-09-27 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornflake2912.livejournal.com
If only... Sigh! Thanks for sharing!

HUGS!!!
Steffi

Date: 2009-09-28 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks to you for reading!!
I still haven't commented on your 'what's new?' post but I read it all- oh, Vienna sounds like fun!!
Say hi to everyone! And the prices are awesome!! :)

*big hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heathyluv.livejournal.com
Wonderful chapter...Sigh...If only....I agree with Cornflake! xoxo-heathyluv

Date: 2009-09-28 04:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Yeah friend, if only!
Thank you a lot for reading. It means a lot!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] camillar.livejournal.com
This was gorgeous, sweetie! Poor, sweet Jack. I can just picture him lying there thinking about that sweet life with Ennis *sigh* Wonderful job!

Date: 2009-09-28 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thank you sweetie! Means a lot. :)

Big kiss!!

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] torry28.livejournal.com
The Dreamer, if Jack didn't have those dreams to keep him going would the love for Ennis lasted as long?
I think so, Jack had given his heart that first night in the tend and he could never take it back it belonged to Ennis even after Jack died it was his to hold and protect for always.
It is a sad peace you wrote, about Jacks dreams, but you write with so much heart it is a pleasure to read and not only that it makes me look at my own dreams and I learn to do things now without fear or live with regret for ever after.
Thank you.
Love,
Torry

PS. Could you do one with Ennis dreaming, surely he had them too?

Date: 2009-09-28 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thank you for your great comment, Adela. :)
Dreams? I guess Ennis had them too in his heart of hearts, but I think unlike Jack he fought hard trying not to ackowledge them- and sure he didn't believe in them the same way Jack did.
Let's see if what I'll do next- I seem to get inside Jack's head better, but I could try someday. :)

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apreg.livejournal.com
((B))

This was such a beautiful oneshot,Poor Jack always the dreamer.

I hope you are having a wonderful day.

lots of love,

Ashley.

Date: 2009-09-28 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading hon, hope you're ok, have a great day!!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] selina31.livejournal.com
Like your one-shot very much.
Too bad that Ennis doesn't share the same dreams, or does he?
Selina

Date: 2009-09-28 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Lol- Sorry Selina, I mistaked you for Donna here. Same avatar. *rolls eyes*
Slly me!

But thanks for reading!!

*big hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jacks-key.livejournal.com
Just lovely! I like Jack's dream. If only...

Date: 2009-09-28 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Hey there Vicki! :D
Camilla, George and I were saying we miss your writing, you know! ;)

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment anyway- I appreciate it a lot!!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carmenmariabs.livejournal.com
You said, you've expressed it very well.
There is a choice between a comfortable bed and a tent is not a choice between more or less luxurious walls of wood or brick between nature and outdoors, is not whether the fireplace or the stars.
The choice is another, more important, is the permanence against temporality is happiness everyday and every day.
Es .. they are missing many things and a lot of time and continue like this ...
Kisses
Evidentemente es mejor una casa, es mejor una cama y todos los días y ...sin ocultarse.
¿fantasear despierto o posible realidad??????

Date: 2009-09-28 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
You expressed it really well, Carmen.
I'm glad you liked it, and thank you a lot for reading!!

*tight hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovewithstands.livejournal.com
If only Jack would beable to live that life with Ennis, If Ennis would just give it a chance.

Jack wouldn't just have the dreams/Thoughts of it but really be living it. Sad but lovely writing.

I also would like to read a Ennis one-shot, Get inside his head so to speak...

Date: 2009-09-28 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
As I said, I seem to get inside Jack's head better, but- :)

Thanks a million for reading!!

*kisses*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gwylliondream.livejournal.com
Awww. Such sweet dreams of a sweet life.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Donna

Date: 2009-09-28 04:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading darlin'- btw, it was that discussion at LE Bar about what's better, if the hotel or the camping- made me think about this- lol!

Hope you're ok hon. Sends you lots of love&hugs!!

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 09:23 pm (UTC)
chamilet: (Default)
From: [personal profile] chamilet
If only:)

Date: 2009-09-28 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Yeah, if only!
Thanks for reading Chamilet!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sienata.livejournal.com
that was nice, sad but nice. i understand how jack feels, enjoying the pretend world of the cabin and wishing they could make it real. i don't blame him for wanting it all and wish they could've had it. great piece. thanks for sharing. s.

Date: 2009-09-28 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Hi Sienata, thank you a lot for reading. :)
I wish they could've had it, too, but honestly I don't have the heart to blame neither Jack nor Ennis. :(

Hope you're ok- have a good week!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annabuffy.livejournal.com
Aw, that was so sad. Drove the point home on how Ennis slowly killed Jack long before the tire irons did.

Date: 2009-09-28 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
You expressed the concept painfully well, dear.
He did, didn't he? :(

Thanks a lot for reading and commenting.

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-27 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andieley.livejournal.com
beautiful... just beautiful

Date: 2009-09-28 04:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
I thank you, dear. :)

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-28 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] texasgal3.livejournal.com
How heart wrenching. If only Ennis could have seen his way to having the sweet life with Jack.

Date: 2009-09-28 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Yeah, I know...

Thanks a lot for reading, I'm happy you found the time to leave a comment. :)

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-28 06:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-boys-n-me.livejournal.com
I enjoyed this a lot, even though it had a sad feel to it. It was very well done. ♥

Date: 2009-09-28 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thank you. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. You know, I wasn't going too much for the sadness- actually a few lines made me smile when I re-read them- the dog, the cooking; I think deep down Jack was aware of how his dreams were impossible here- maybe in that moment he just enjoyed fooling himself for a while, you know?
Bitter.

Thanks for reading and commenting honey.

*big hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-28 08:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-boys-n-me.livejournal.com
Yeah, I too smiled a little here and there. Jack's ideas were beautiful, and I'll bet he did fool himself at times, trying to believe. You did a really good job showing this.

Date: 2009-09-28 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-boys-n-me.livejournal.com
I think my comment got eaten. I'll try again. I too smiled a little in certain parts of this. And I think that Jack probably did fantasize about what it would be like if he and Ennis were together always. You captured that perfectly in this.

Date: 2009-09-28 10:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lara-pinta.livejournal.com
That was so beautiful and sad.

These were my favourite lines "Pretend it’s just him and Ennis. Living together. Their home... wouldn’t that be wonderful." Poor Jack, if only....


Thank you
Lorna

Date: 2009-09-28 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks to you Lorna. :)
I appreciate your comment really much.
Wish you a good day!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-09-28 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fl1789.livejournal.com
Sad but beautiful :´ )

thanks for sharing




fl.

Date: 2009-09-28 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thank you to you for reading! :)

Date: 2009-09-30 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grlewis.livejournal.com
just delightful. so frought with beautiful images and meaning. this is one i'm going to have to print out.

gr

Date: 2009-09-30 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Oh, thanks! ♥ It means a lot to me, I'm very happy you liked it.

Have a good night/day!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-10-01 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gothica-vanessa.livejournal.com
loved it
thanks
vanessa

Date: 2009-10-01 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks to you Vanessa. ♥

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-10-01 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] r-o-l-i-e.livejournal.com
I loved to read this. Jack and his dreams, I'm glad he had them, but sad for him they didn't come true..
Caroline XXX

Date: 2009-10-02 01:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
Thanks a lot for reading Cay. ♥
I'm glad you liked this.

Have a good day!!

*hugs*

B.

Date: 2009-11-14 02:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freetraveller15.livejournal.com
What a wonderful piece, G., thank you so much.
Your gift for poetic prose is mesmerizing.
I loved this passage, among many others:
Makes him wonder how many other good things he and Ennis are missing out.
Better not think about that.

Exactly: "better not think about that". Jack the eternal dreamer, but unlike other dreamers, his dreams and hopes were not the ones of a fool, but they were based on reality, somehow, in the sense that he could read Ennis like no other could.
Thank you so much for sharing :)
Ciao, con affetto
Paola

Date: 2009-11-14 02:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com
P is slowly catching up. I like that. :)

LOL!

Love and thanks for commenting bb!

Date: 2009-11-15 12:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freetraveller15.livejournal.com
Ciao, carissima, e grazie del PM. Ti rispondero' presto.
(ti ci vedo proprio a studiare Lingue all'universita'... di sicuro il tuo inglese scritto adesso e' molto migliore di quello che era il mio quando avevo 18 anni!...)
Un bacione
Paola

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