bowl_of_glow | Leaving (Jack's POV)

Author’s note: English is not my first language and sometimes it’s hard for me to write. There will be some mistakes, which I have to admit are all mine.
Title: Leaving (Jack’s POV)
Genre: Canon
Rating: Let’s say PG-13...

Jack and Ennis are NOT my characters, but they were created by the great Annie Proulx... as we all know.

Hit the road, Jack
and don't you come back, no more
No more, no more
No more
Hit the road, Jack
And don't you come back no more...

Leaving

Since he was a child, Jack had always thought about leaving.

The home he lived in was a lonely place, lost in the middle of nowhere, with no life, no joy and no colours.
It had nothing to do with him.
Jack was a lively child, and his curiosity often lead him to imagine better places and better people, waiting for him outside that boring house.
The world was huge and wide, and he firmly believed it had to offer him something that his old man could never give him.
Sometimes his father had tried to beat those foolish dreams out of him, ‘cause he could see his son didn’t really care about the dusty ranch he was supposed to work in once he grew up.
But he had never succeded. Instead of dying, Jack’s desire to leave became every day stronger and stronger.
He left his parents as soon as he had the chance, without taking a single look back.

It was on Brokeback that Jack finally knew he had found what he was looking for.
On the top of that mountain, he didn’t feel the urge to leave again: he felt in peace right where he was.
Not that it was really about the place, he had understood.
It was that shy cowboy that made him feel blessed.
In the darkness of those cold nights, two young souls had fused their solitudes together, bulding a tender complicity, a quiet intimacy made of shared cigarettes and whispered smiles.

It was still on Brokeback that the reality of the world hit Jack for the first time with all its strenght, and the blow came in the form of a hard punch right on his face.
He descended that mountain with a bruised cheek and an aching heart, and for the first time in his life he knew how leaving home behind felt like.
Three words almost escaping his lips at the moment of saying goodbye.
Don’t leave me.
They could have been together from that moment on.
Keep going on together.
But he sensed Ennis wasn’t ready to hear those words- would he ever be?
He hoped so. He would wait for that moment.

Jack kept something of Ennis with him- a reminder of those days of happiness that would never come back- sensing however that he was leaving something of himself behind.
A piece of his soul remained on that mountaintop, and a piece of his heart was carried away by his silent friend.
He felt incomplete again.

Running away didn’t make any sense now.
He had found what he was searching and he had let it slip away anyway- so why keeping moving ahead?
He hit the road again, but this time he wasn’t interested in what the future could bring him.
The only person he really cared for had stayed in the past, and he probably wouldn’t see him ever again.
He travelled around trying to forget, but those sweet, painful memories haunted him wherever he went.

His tentative smile.
His quiet talking.
His bold kisses all over his skin.

Remebering was distressing.

He needed someone... someone to make him forget everything. He needed to move on.

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“What are ya waitin' for cowboy? The matin' call?”

Jack looked at her, kinda surprised she was really talking to him.

I’m waiting for someone to come back from the past, but I think this is not gonna happen anytime soon.

“You feel like dancin’ cowboy?”

Well, she is pretty.
She seems a witty one.
She’s...
She’s not him.

“Yeah.”

Actually I feel like leaving this place as fast as I can.
But I guess it’s time for me to stop running away.